Recently I saw a funny video describing the latest in IT technology. It is hilarious to hear the interviewee explain cloud computing, cell phone technology, etc.
This seems so relevant to share because years ago I had to explain to my family members what a computer virus is, and why we cannot catch a computer virus (because it is does not affects human). Now, these funny cartoons tell the same story of how common people perceive technology !
Indian History : Supposedly written by a schoolboy with all original spellings:
The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Daro. These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures.
One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors. In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as Mera Bharat Mahan.
In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi because of its pollution. They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana. But his son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines. Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there.
The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarrelling. Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However,after that they changed its name to Mumbai because Shivaji’s sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so they are calling it Door Darshan.
After the Mowglis came Vasco the Gama. He was an exploder who was circumcising India with a 100 foot clipper. Then came the British. They brought with them many inventions such as cricket, tramtarts and steamed railways. They were followed by the French who brought in French fries, pizzazz and laundry.
But Robert Clive drove them out when he deafened Duplex who was out membered since the British had the queen on their side. Eventually, the British came to overrule India because there was too much diversity in our unity.
The British overruled India for a long period.They were great expotents and impotents. They started expoting salt from India and impoting cloth. This was not liked by Mahatma Gandhi who wanted to produce his own salt. This was called the Swedish moment. During this moment, many people burnt their lion cloths in the street and refused to wear anything else. The British became very angry at this and stopped the production of Indian testiles.
In 1920, Mahatma Gandhi was married to one wife. Soon after he became the father of the nation. In 1942 he started the Quiet India moment, so named because the British were quietly lootoing our country. In 1947, India became free and its people became freely loving. This increased our population. Its government became a limited mockery, which means people are allowed to take the law in their own hands with the help of the police.
Our constipation is the best in the world because it says that no man can be hanged twice for the same crime. It also says you cannot be put in prison if you have not paid your taxis. Another important thing about our constipation is that it can be changed. This is not possible with the British constipation because it is not written on paper. The Indian parlemint consists of two houses which are called lower and higher. This is because one Mr Honest Abe said that two houses divided against itself cannot withstand. So Pandit Nehru asked the British for freedom at midnight since the British were afraid of the dark.
At midnight, on August 15, there was a tryst in parlemint in which many participated by wearing khaki and hosting the flag. Recently in India, there have been a large number of scams and a plaque,it can be dangerous because many people died of this plaque in Surat. Scams are all over India. One of these was in Bihar where holy cows were not given anything to eat by their elected leader. The other scam was in Bofor which is a small town in Switzerland.In this, a lot of Indian money was given to buy a gun which can shoot a coot.
Presently India has a coalishun government made up of many parties, left,right and centre. It has started to library the economy. This means that there is now no need for a licence as the economy will be driven by itself. India is also trying to become an Asian tiger because its own tigers are being poached. Another important event this year was the Shark meeting at Malas Dive. At this place, shark leaders agreed to share their poverty, pollution and population.
It is said that the best way to travel in India is to travel by train and not an airplane. The marvelous view offered in a train travel cannot match the view at 30,000 feet's above the ground. The first thing this reminds me of is Richard Attenborough's Gandhi, and the scene of travelling India on train (an on the roof top of trains). The hustle bustle at a railway station cannot match the sophisticated crowd at the Airports (though this does not mean that our railway station should not try to become like Airports, they desperately need to).
In September 2009, I got the chance to visit the National Rail Museum in New Delhi and was astonished to see the different Rail engines and coaches. The best part was the story of Railway ticket.
Today we have many options to book a railway ticket (the preferred way for most techies being logging on to http://www.irctc.co.in/). But in gold old days, when there was no concept of printed ticket, a book was maintained with the name, addresses and destination of passengers. The guard of the train was handed the list of passengers with their details before the beginning of the journey.
To improvise this process of handwritten tickets, Thomas Edmondson, a station master from Britain in 1836, made cardboard ticket prepared from wooden press blocks. However there was still the need to write the date with ink. To improvise this he used an improved assembly with inked ribbon similar to that of typewriter. This is how ticket issuing machine were invented. Once British bought Railway to India, they bought this technology here. Till computerised tickets were introduced, this was the method of issuing tickets in India.
In my previous post I said that there are different ways Hindi is spoken in different parts of India... but the spoken Hindi at it's best is - Hyderabadi Hindi!!!
Don't believe me!!?
"Kyamamu, kyabaataankartetum" (Dude, what are you talking), says me, "tumkumaloomnahikaisa twistaa dete wordaa mei yaha" (nowhere in India could you match the hillarious twist in words that comes here - watch the extra As) ..."aagekuchbhinakkopoochomiyan!" (don't ask anything more dude)
Yesterday I was enjoying a spicy "vegitable soft nudle" with onion and lemons on a "chinesebundi" (roadside stall of Chinese fast food - Thela, Khomcha etc.) with my friend when some "howla" (idiot) asked for directions ... the typical answer you get in such situations is "seedhachalejao" even if "tumhaareku pachheesturnaa lena padta" (you have to take 25 turns) to reach your destination... "hau re, Hyderabad me to aisa hi hota" (Yes buddy, this is how it happens in Hyderabad).
Now the best part is when you go to a shop and the shopkeeper asks, "kyahona?" (meaning 'need something?' as if doing some 'ehsaan' to us Northeners) ... my friends, who are Northeners like me, use to whine to this "dimag kharab" (annoying person), "arre, kuchhonanahihai bhai!ek biskut ka packet chahiye!" (Hindi - need a pack of biscuit buddy! - watch hona versus chahiye) ... "accha to biscut ka packet hona!", Shopkeeper grumbles, "pata nai kaiku dimag kharab karre subah subah"
"Yaaro, unne dhakkan logaan hai, unno kya maalum ki Hyderabadi hindi aisai bolte" (Pal, what should I say about those jerks, we speak Hindi like this only in Hyderabad) .
I met an old collegue today and he asked "kya mamu, kaise hain tum... aaj kal dikhraich nai?" (Hey dude! how are you... long time no see) ... then "hona bol ke" we asked an "aatu" (Auto or Auto-Rickshaw) - "Jaate kya?" and hired it... reached office.
Well, there's no better place than my office. Not long ago, I use to have our "maaki - kirkiri" boss (no comments!) ... "abbaaaa!" (a form of exclamation with triple XL size As!)... "Yaaro jabse aayi dekho sabko dimaag ka faaluda karetoh sab bolre!" - watch the missing punctuations! (Since she the time came, she has made everyone's life misrable everyone's saying!)
Hope this was enlightening enough. Because living in Hyderabad for so long, I haven't been able to learn Telugu... so "Hyderabadi kaamchalatu" (I use Hyderabadi only) - "Hyderabadi se kaam chalata hun" Gosh! can't squeeze it like Hyderabadi Hindi!
Ain't it fun!!! "Chindiyaa hai" (Superb)!!!
------------------------------------------------------------ Kya kya kaamaa karte logaan! - If you are confused from the above, well not your fault. This is well apreciated by those who have or are living in Hyderabad.
